no amount of bird posts i make can ever capture how truly strange bitterns are
New form of joke: telling someone to roll an ability check for something that obviously doesn’t need that type of check
“I wanna see if this dead body is anyone we recognize”
“Roll an acrobatics check”
You say joke, but I like to use it as an opportunity to genuinely fuck with players.
“I want to see if the dead body is anyone we know.”
“Roll acrobatics.”
“11?”
“The body seizes you by the wrists and lunges at your throat with its teeth, howling like a demon. You are grappled. Roll initiative.”
Or, “I want to check the chest for traps.”
“Roll performance.”
“Okay, uh. 17…?”
“You start whistling quietly while you go about tapping, poking, and examining the sides of the chest. It’s a pretty catchy tune you picked up a couple days ago from the bard.”
“Alright, neat, and the chest?”
“The chest starts humming along.”
OH MY GOSH THAT SECOND ONE IS A RLLY GOOD IDEA
wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.
a hoe never gets lyme disease
chore poll
Do you prefer washing the dishes in
The morning
The evening
The afternoon
I don't wash the dishes I cook or some other chore instead
The night
Some option I didn't think of
fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d
I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty
I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.
Love, love, love reading more proof that everyone should encourage the children in their lives to write to elected officials--it teaches them about citizenship and can also be very funny.
When I taught second grade, one of the options for students who had finished their work was to write a letter to the president. I would send all of the letters in a big envelope at the end of every month.
Watching my students get more and more frustrated with him (and concerned about his wellbeing) was not the result I'd hoped for when I came up with the idea, but it was kind of hilarious.
See, Obama had a standard packet with information and activities about his dog he'd send in response to letters from very young citizens...and of course his office sent one back to our class every single time we sent mail.
So eventually all of the letters looked something like this:
Dear President Obama,
I am writing about the environment. I am sad that the Great Barrier Reef is hurt. Also the Amazon Rainforest. Can you help? PLEASE DON'T WRITE BACK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOG AGAIN. WE ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT BO. WE COMPLETED THE MAZE AND COLORED HIM IN. It is good that you love your pet a lot. But try to remember the environment. It is also important.
